9:50 pm 2 notes
Possible future blindness in my left eye.
Last night I had a little incident at work.
It was my first night closing the restaurant on my own, and while I knew every procedure, I had to do them all in a hurry so that I can get off of my GM’s clock.
Well, while in the midst of refilling the spray bottles with disinfectant, one of them over filled and splashed up into my eye. While it was my fault, and I wasn’t being as careful as I should have been, I took action and did the whole eye wash thing—however, we don’t have an eyewash station at my work. Instead, I had to use a sink, and my GM gave me eye drops. It seemed to work okay, I went on with my work, and left for my boyfriend’s house.
I woke up this morning to my left eye crusted shut and swollen. It didn’t worry me as much as it should have, but it didn’t even hurt. It was just an annoyance. I got his dad (the doctor) to put some medicine on it that would help, and it helped take the irritation factor out, but its still swollen and it kind of hurts to move my eye around under a closed lid.
I got back to work this morning only to find that the chemical in the bottles was not the same chemical I thought it was. So I have a much harsher chemical in my eye than expected.
Now, I’m not completely okay with the possibility of being blind in one of my eyes, but my dad is blind in his left eye too, and I imagine if he can do it, I can live with it too.
Going blind in an eye would make an interesting story.
8:50 pm 2 notes
I’ve never been so goddamn tired.
I’m physically exhausted. My immune system has weakened, my strength is gone, my mind is all over the place lately, and I’m stressed to no end, but I push through it because that is what’s expected of me.
That’s what I have to do if I want to get anywhere, that’s what I have to do in order to please those around me, in order to support myself.
I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have someone there telling me that I could do it, pushing me even when I wanted to quit everything and just take a break. When I want to sleep for days and days, curled up into nothing but warmth and that sweet smell of familiarity.
I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you there after long days, scratching my back, playing with my hair, feeding me.
I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you reassuring me that yes, I am beautiful, despite the spots on my face that won’t go away, the way some of my teeth just won’t all fit snugly together, despite my distaste for my naturally curled and frizzed hair, despite my thinking my stomach isn’t up to society’s standard (even though we both know I don’t give a shit about whether I’ve got a flat stomach or not).
You tell me I’m beautiful anyways, and god, I love you for that.
11:44 pm 4 notes
3:47 pm 2 notes
It’s been more than an year.
At some point I fell in love with you. I don’t know when, or why, or exactly how I felt when it happened, but I thank the gods that it did.
It’s gonna be tough when you go off to your school while I stay here for mine. You’ll still be here. Somehow.
It’s late, and I’m still awake over here, though I know you’ve gone to sleep hours ago. After having you sleep over, all tangled in a mess of sheets and your body that hardly fits my bed, I’m sleeping alone.
I hate that you get so comfortable and so used to sleeping next to someone, and when they don’t get to be there with you anymore, it seems like it takes so much longer to get to sleep.
I want you to come back. I want to pretend you don’t have class, and that I don’t have work. I want to stay snuggled up with you for days.
1:04 am 3 notes
Under a read more because I’m getting down about not being good at things.
9:35 pm 1 note
I’m trying not to make a post every single day, so I’ll just do a recap every once in a while.
My group, though not much of a group now, is learning how to cooperate again. I’m really grateful for that. There’s been a lot of drama amongst some of said friends, and I’m trying to mediate and calm everyone down, while not getting myself tangled up in all of it. It’s not easy, but if it means they’ll talk about how they’re doing, then that’s what matters.
The time I do spend with my friends is very much worth it. The hockey game, while stressful and draining high school and college pockets (free tickets, but crazy food expenses), was something to cherish. Maybe I got the dates wrong and couldn’t treat my friends to the Darius Rucker game tonight, I think they appreciated the fact that I got them in and treated them at all. Although I may want to punch them sometimes, I do love em.
1:24 am 2 notes
I don’t know if “rekindling” is the proper word, but friendship has always been important to me and I want to at least attempt to keep up with my friendships.
Anyone can get together for a day and exchange smiles, have a talk, leave, and never talk again. I may not be the best at keeping conversation, but jesus, I don’t want that.
Maybe talking everyday would make one sick of me, but every few days would be just fine with me.
So here’s to connecting with oldies (but goldies, I think?), and to any new people I meet in the coming year.
1:09 am 7 notes
12:57 am 3 notes
Hey, let’s start with the first of the year.
It is currently 12:50. My boyfriend is with friends, my roommate got home safe, and I am not drunk (which I’m hugely disappointed with, but I’ll be okay.)
I really need to clean my room, but my dude has been here for the past four days, so I can’t complain with its state. I can’t tell if I’m using that as my excuse to not clean it or if I really just want to keep his smell and atmosphere around.
I’m seeing Wolf of Wall Street tomorrow, which I’ve been told is fantastic. Then again, he who told me about the movie is probably going to be president when he’s in his forties..so we’ll see about it.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this so I’ll cut it off now.
Alright, it’s a new year, woo yeah- okay.
This is something I’ve been kind of mapping out since I was a Junior in high school, and now that I’m doing it, I’ve pretty much thrown the whole planning away.
I don’t really know what this is for, other than a place to talk about how I’m feeling about particulars in my life—people, places, life events, and so on— through texts, and probably photos (maybe vines or whatever??? I’m not great with videos).
I think this could either be dull and pointless and a waste of time, or it could genuinely help and I could attract other people who are in need of getting some stuff off of their mind.
We’ll see? Happy drinking, guys.
And yes, there will be excessive tagging.